aspenhill's blog: Aspen Hill 2015 - In Memory of Mike Wren

Another gardening season has come and gone. Now that the cold weather is settling in, my thoughts turn once again to winter pursuits - mainly reflecting on the year past. 2015 will always be remembered as the year we lost Mike Wren.

The spring started out with the unexpected death of my brother in law. It was a shock to the family and left my husband's sister a widow at the young age of 55. Mike Wren had a massive heart attack while hiking to photograph wildlife on Skyline Drive. Bonnie was able to get immediate assistance from the forest rangers and he was airlifted to the hospital, but he did not recover and the hard but inevitable decision to take him off life support was made after he suffered a second major attack. He had just turned 59 in February. What I remember most about those few numbing weeks was the stark contrast between spring's rebirth and the fading away of a loved one's life. The redbuds and dogwoods were in bloom by the 1000s along the Virginia highways and byways as we traveled back and forth to the hospital. I have always thought that those flowering trees were beautiful. They are the epitome of Virginia flora that makes me glad that this is where I call home. For the rest of my life, seeing those blooms every spring will be intertwined with my memories of him.

I met him in 1978 when I was 16 and just starting to date Mike. Mike Wren was a young man from Iowa who had enlisted in the Navy. He was stationed at the Navy Yard with my future father-in-law and was renting a room in their house. He eventually started dating Mike's sister Bonnie when she came home on breaks from her enlistment in the Army. They got married a few years later while I was still in college. The two of us always connected. We were creative introverts immersed in a family of extroverted and practical capable doers. He was a skilled carpenter but his passion was nature photography. He took some of the most amazing photographs that I have ever seen. He was quiet and funny and absolutely loved their only child, his daughter Erin. She is grown up now and living in Texas with a husband and child of her own. Dexter has just turned 2, and thankfully Mike Wren was here long enough to experience the joy of having a grandson.

During the weeks that followed and all through the summer, Bonnie came to Aspen Hill on the weekends. She and I got in to a routine of working in the gardens for the first part of the day, and then either relaxing on the front porch or floating in the pond in the afternoons. Often it was the five of us; her three brothers - Lowell, Mike (my husband), and Richard, but sometimes it was just us two. There is nothing like hard physical labor to help ease the mind. Bonnie has always been a strong woman, both physically and emotionally. In fact, I was often intimidated by it over the years, feeling so inept in comparison. One thing about that family, they sure do rally and support one another. None of us can fix what happened, but we can all be there for her for whatever it is she needs to help her get through this. For me, I welcomed her company although I often cry at the circumstance that led to it. She is a wonder at garden work, and we were happy and content exerting ourselves, swatting at gnats and sweating like pigs. We would laugh and shake our heads saying "and this is fun???" When we finally stopped our garden work for the day was when she unloaded whatever happened to be on her mind. Often it was just the seemingly hundreds of logistics that accompany the death of a spouse, but other times it was anger, frustration, or sadness. I listened. I think that is probably the greatest gift I knew how to give.

Mike Wren would not have wanted a traditional service in a church or a funeral home. He was an outdoors nature lover kind of guy. Our family went to Skyline Drive to say our goodbyes a few days after he passed, but Bonnie was not up for doing anything else right away. The plan was to have a celebration of life for him at Aspen Hill towards the end of August. It included a memorial service with words from Bonnie, his sister Lindy, Erin, and a minister family friend, but for the most part it was a big fun outdoor picnic for all of his family and friends to share happy memories of him and his life. More than 200 people came. I know he would have been astounded at the outpouring of love and support. So many special moments. The weather was gorgeous for August - mid eighties and low humidity. One of his hobbies was motorcycle riding, and he and Bonnie had belonged to a riding club for years. I still get goose bumps thinking about the roar of Harley Davidsons coming down the gravel lane and through the woods - single file, American flags flying. The older generation conversed at the tables under the big rented tent while the little ones ran around, our next generation's next generation, all innocence and hope. The circle of life was right there in front of me. During the memorial service, it seemed fitting that a huge hawk was soaring on the wind currents in the clear sky above us and there was not a dry eye in the place when Erin spoke her words.

Bonnie and I still get together on the weekends, but with winter coming and no garden work to be done, it is not as often. She is busy getting her house ready to sell. They built that house together more than 30 years ago when I was a young bride and Erin was a baby. They were the inspiration for wanting to build my own house in the country. Bonnie can't afford it now on her own and even if it weren't a matter of finances, she doesn't think she could handle it. Her brothers are more than willing to help, but somehow she thinks the distance and location would be a burden. She would not like living in suburbia, so after she sells she plans to build a small manageable house on our property or my parents' adjoining property. She will still be in a rural setting and also be really close and convenient for any help she may need from her brothers. It won't be the home of her past, but hopefully it can be a happy home for her future. There have been several absolute breakdown moments for all of us during this journey of hers, and leaving her home when the time comes will be one of the worst.

For Christmas, Bonnie has gone to Texas to be with Erin. It will be good for the two of them to be together for the holiday. Experiencing the magic of the season with two year old Dexter can only be a good thing.

It is odd to think that Mike Wren won't be there at family gatherings any more. I will miss him. In social situations I have always felt more like an observer than a participant, but I always found myself gravitating towards him for conversation. We talked about our shared creative interests, without ever realizing that was the common bond. I loved hearing about whatever he was working on. He built custom homes and additions for the old money wealthy residents in the famous horse country area in and around Middleburg. I find so much beauty in old architecture and that is what these customers wanted for their estates. I could listen and soak up every detail for hours. He would often have his latest nature photography with him. Another similarity in our personalities was that he knew he liked what he had accomplished, but was never quite sure that it was appealing to anyone else. His almost shy approach to sharing would soon be replaced with a kind of quiet pride when I enthusiastically and honestly loved those photographs. His voice was slow paced and memorable and his laugh was quiet, like he was. He would do this little shoulder shrug movement and his eyes would twinkle. When a person dies, there is often an awkwardness in talking about them too much or god forbid, feeling like you can't mention them at all. In our family, memories of what he did or what he would have said if he was there with us at that moment come naturally. For some reason it doesn't seem to bring anyone's spirits down, it does quite the opposite by simply adding to the general happiness of having known him.

A pictorial tribute to Mike Wren

Doing what he loved best - Skyline Drive April 2015


Candid shots


With his beloved daughter



And grandson


Celebration of Life - Aspen Hill August 2015



Miss you now and forever more, until we meet again

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