I know I shouldn't complain; I have a life that most people would envy. I work from home, I make a comfortable living doing work that I enjoy (most of the time; the deadlines I could live without), and the truth is even the deadlines aren't that bad...I have yet, in over 30 years of doing this job, to have anyone call me up and scream at me for being late with a deadline. But I'm very hard on myself; I wake up and before I'm even out of bed I'm going thru a mental list of "to do's" for the day and before my feet hit the floor I can feel my stomach start to tighten up worrying if there will be enough time, energy..."me"...to do what needs done. I have got to learn to relax. For a while there, after a few long talk sessions with a good friend who is also a psychologist, I was able to get a real sense of balance in my life. But lately, it's slipped away and I feel like I'm back where I was several years ago...feeling stressed and anxious almost all the time instead of reveling in a beautiful October and enjoying my life.
Again and again it comes to me that the only place where I feel truly at peace is in my garden. I love being outdoors, I love working with plants and dirt and rocks, I love pitting my wits and my strength against the natural world in my attempts to create beauty or bounty. Sometimes I think I should chuck the whole editing thing and reinvent myself as a plantsman...run a nursery, become a garden designer. and then I think of how that would soon degenerate into deadlines and balance sheets and to-do lists. So maybe I am better off just staying as I am, working in my office to earn my bread and working in my garden to clear my head.
***
If I can find time today, I'd like to do more planting...I've got a nice wormwood, a bayberry, and an upright cotoneaster that are all in pots and need to get roots in the ground.
Henhouse and hen run should be cleaned out; my new compost pile behind the henhouse is "cooking" nicely.
I need to call Mrs. R. and see about getting in horse manure. That's a job. But I really need to get it in now so it can sit on the veg beds and mellow over the winter.
And, as Monty would say, "that's enough to be getting on with."
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