dellac's blog: Where did all the time go?

ATP (All Things Plants) was a regular part of my internet diet and community activity for quite a few years, but for just as many, I've been an infrequent visitor and irregular contributor. Checking in today, I discovered I was logged out and had forgotten my password, leading to me delving into profile settings to create a new one... and I discovered that my original join up date was 12th Oct 2012. It's been nearly 10 years to the day since I joined!

Ten years ago I was full of hope for my Lilium breeding. I was renewing my passion for this beautiful genus: planning, planting, pollinating, saving seeds, dreaming of the wonderful blooms to come. I was working with material from my teens, when I had started growing Liliums in the family garden, and had made my first cross-pollinations with treasured plants from gardening mentors.

Those early seedlings had somehow survived all the moving around in pots from rental to rental, to homes gained and lost, being plant-sat, until I finally landed in yet another rental after a period of being homeless. I landed traumatised and suffering major depression, but at least I had a place to live. It was when I took an interest in growing again, that I began to feel again, and enjoy life. So it was, over 10 years ago, that the love of lilies lead me out of the darkness. A year or 2 later a lily-growing friend recommended the forum to me. I joined, with trepidation, and discovered I really enjoyed connecting with such a lovely gardening community.

But other life events took over, things got dark again and time passed. Has it really been 10 years? Sadly, my Lilium dreams are again on the backburner. I had to leave behind my life's work in order to escape yet another abusive partner. (Patterns, much?) And this time, though I have landed in a safe place - and this time I own it outright, never to be disowned or cheated of my efforts again! - it isn't suitable for lilies. It's a beautiful piece of bushland with sunshine, trees and birds... and wildlife. Hungry hungry wildlife. Anyone who has ever tried to protect a garden from ravenous Brushtail possums will know the futility and pain. But I love it here and am making a home. I'm building it with my own hands and no one can take that away from me! I'm also expanding a small range of plants that the possums will leave alone, and creating a little patch of garden beneath the glorious trees. Clivia, Dierama, Agave, baby palms that I hope to one day see sweeping the sky... It's good.

But egads. I'm 10 years older. I'm 50 now. The same age, I've just noticed, as this forum! It amuses me that the NGA and I were born in the same year. I want many warm years to come, in the embrace of this garden where I can finally grow. No more sudden transplants, fearful lightening strikes, long drawn-out droughts, or bleak winters without end. No more months and years of anxiety. I hope I'm finally home.

The pics are from a recent trip to the botanical gardens. It's just a lovely time to enjoy the blooms.

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