The thing fell over during the car trip back to the office. Perlite everywhere and the cactus roots sort of pulling out of the pot. I reached down to help it back up since it didn't look like a spikey cactus. Paid for that later.
Thanks for your help. This site is really helpful.
Adhesive is your best shot to get the spines out, I use rubber cement, just gently wipe it on and let it dry, then pull it off, tape and other blues can also work too.
Please tree mail me for trades, I'm ALWAYS actively looking for more new plants, and love to trade!