I have a question. Does this neighbor feel free to come over to your yard to access her 8"-12"? I didn't see an opening for her to access it from her fence. I mean, if so, she needs to lighten up if you are letting her come over on your property to maintain her property. Not that that is any help to you, but you may want to mention this to her.

Kim, it doesn't sound like you are "the problem".

Some neighborhood issues are really just differences of opinion or style even if they are escalated to "Death to infidels!" passion.

But some people WANT trouble and have learned not only how to create it, but often how to make other people feel guilty for THEIR pettiness and, frankly, pointless cruelty.

Don't let her make you feel in the wrong!

I saw a couple with a husband whose goat was easy to get (he meant well despite his provokable persona) and a sneaky wife who wanted to always APPEAR as the Good Girl and the Martyred Wife. She would needle him and poke him in his sorest spots (in ways she could GET AWAY WITH) until he got mad enough to shout, then she wallowed in how bad she could make him look to everyone around them. She rubbed his nose in what a Bad Guy he was until everyone around them wished they were elsewhere.

The idea that your neighbor created a problem and then found ways to make YOU feel bad reminded me of that day.

The front of the yards are "open" so she can come down the side of the fence to mow.

This really wouldn't be a big issue except that I had always wanted the "flowers against the fence" type of garden and then when I finally get the money to have it done, this happens!!

I must say that I don't think she even knows that there's an problem. I know her husband's cousin and she told me that this woman has a serious obsessive compulsive disorder issue...everything has to be perfect and in it's place. Flowers hanging, climbing etc along her fence--the "messiness"-- would literally drive her nuts!!

What about putting up a net fence on your line and let your flowers lean against it? It could give the illusion of being against her fence, but still have the support of the net fence that is mostly invisible? Of course, it could still be a problem if she is using roundup and there is drift, but then I would gently mention to her that you would appreciate if she would spray carefully, and never on a windy day to prevent drift. If you start off sweet and she refuses, she will look the fool. But don't just NOT say anything because then she has control over you and your flowers.

If none of this seems possible you may have to resign yourself to putting up your own fence. See how much she enjoys mowing that little strip then! And she won't have to worry about your grass clippings!

Cross posted there...if that is the case then it's HER problem. She must have to deal with it in other areas. What if she is at a friend's house, sitting on the patio, admiring the flower beds...something she probably couldn't enjoy, but the point being, she can't have control of other people's property. Tell her what you finally decide to do and why so she can do what she has to do to deal with it.

Thanks everyone for your advice and your shoulders...I do feel better.

I like the net idea Arlene...in fact I was thinking of using netting against the back of yard and let sweet peas or something climb it..

I think I'm going to check into how much it would cost to have the raised beds with the fence done just on her side. The more I look at it the more I'm really being to love it. Like I said...may have to build it this year and fill it next year!!

If she would ask why I'm doing the fence I'll just explain to her the way I want my garden and I know she doesn't want stuff on her fence and I don't want to do any damage to her fence since I want to hang feeders, plants etc.

Good luck! Keep us posted.

Kim, that would be a very frustrating situation (and the type of thing that makes me happy to live in the middle of a cedar swamp...).

I think your best recourse (if you haven't already tried this) is to make friends with the neighbor and talk about your love for your plants, etc. Everyone has some quirks... believe me, there are worse things than a neighbor who wants their yard to be extremely neat! (like my neighbor who seems to have a junkyard, and not a "yard") As Arlene said, perhaps you could put up a net fence, or some sort of trellis, on your property, to grow plants against. Or even just move the plants further from the fence so they aren't "bugging" her. The raised beds would be lovely, if you want to go to that amount of work and expense, but I would think you could pretty much accomplish the same thing by just moving your (in-ground) planting bed further from "her" fence.

Try to put yourself in her place, whatever that may be... when you have close neighbors it really is much less stressful to try to work together than to fight.

I agree Sandy...I don't want to become enemies with her at all, and I understand she has problems that she can't control. You're right, there could be much worse things!

I'll let you all know how it turns out

Good luck! Hope you can come to some sort of accommodation that works for you both. There's a good chance this is difficult for her, too. And if not, there's always that fence...that lovely fence!

(Sorry this post is quite long. but your problem struck a nerve with me.)
The only positive thing I can see is for you to keep her weeds cut so she has no reason to come over to your side.

If the woman is (insert polite word for ...) it would not do any good to try to befriend her to solve the problem. The more she knows about your love for plants the more your plants will bother her. (Been there; done that.) My lovely neighbor took his lawn mower and mowed down everything that was green in my yard a full 25 feet past the property line. [I hung up a sign that says 'Trespassers will be shot; survivors will be shot again' so he thinks I own a gun which I don't.]

As to how much the raised bed will 'cost to build' why not build it your self? I am old, handicapped and dirt poor but I collect enough wood to build raised beds. Plus you have your husband who may do at least a bit of the work once you explain the savings. The photo you showed of the raised beds against a fence look to me like the soil would rot out the fence, probably best to make the raised beds a foot or two away from her fence. Then add the netting/trellis or other features that were suggested that make your eyes happy. They sell clear plastic panels (roofing panels) that can be attached to the raised bed to deflect anything that comes your way from her side.

Since your neighbor can't help being... why not fence off your back yard, leaving the front yard open. Put a lock on the gate to the back yard and no one...repeat no one...shall pass that locked gate without your permission and supervision AND at your convenience, not hers. Period. She is obligated to maintain her fence and her weed growth but she doesn't need to access your property to do this.

There is something called a 'good neighbor warrant'. If things continue as they are, it may be necessary for you to get one. It is like a restraining order but instead of staying away from you the warrant means that the person must behave like a good neighbor; if they violate the warrant, the police step in.

Here is the image I call "Two Opinions of Beautiful"; guess you know which side is mine and which is my neighbor's.


I worked yesterday and today to build this box. The wood was from Home Depot discount/cull rack at 70% off so pretty affordable. It is 8 feet by 4 feet and about 11 inches deep. There will be a trellis at one end and a rabbit proof fence added in the next few days.


I build these 6 boxes using material discarded when a neighbor put new wood on his deck. Six boxes 4 feet by 4 feet and they were free. I did the work myself. They are used for growing flowers, not edibles.

Constructing fences and raised beds is a costly option if it turns out that the butterfly bush's problems are not related to weedkiller. I can totally sympathize with the situation, though, many years ago I lived in a house with a neighbor next door who hated trees. About three or four feet in from the property line I planted a grafted weeping cotoneaster. It would not have increased in height but he must have not realized that, because one day I realized it was dying. I checked around it looking for causes and found what appeared to be used motor oil poured around the trunk. It sure wasn't me, so putting two and two together!

Anyway, here's a suggestion. In your first image at the top of the thread showing what you would like, there is cleome growing in front of a fence. If you plant cleome tightly enough it forms a barrier, both visual and physical (it's a little thorny). It smells a bit too, just a heads up if that might upset the neighbor and cause more problems. If that's a concern you could try cosmos instead.

So what I'm suggesting is that if you make a long flower bed on your side of the line and plant it thickly with cleome (they're annual so you can buy started ones or start yourself from seed), you'll have your flowers in front of a fence (hers) with less cost. If she damages them with weedkiller you haven't gone to great expense and know then for sure that you'll have to try something else. Here's an illustration of what I mean, this is cleome (the old-fashioned kind, not the newer shorter "Sparkler" types) that completely disguises the wall behind. The fountain grass sticking up behind is actually planted on top of the retaining wall.



Just a thought. l too wondered about a wire fence, but on reflection thought of two problems with that. Firstly it won't stop herbicide drift, and secondly the grass will grow into the base of it and weave through it, and she'll be even more tempted to use weedkiller right up to your line to get rid of it.

Edited to add another picture of cleome (these are the shorter "Sparkler" series) used as a "hedge" to disguise a wall behind it (obviously lower than the wall in the first one above). This picture taken in fall when the plants were getting a little "tired".

The bottom line is that she has created a scenario where she has to trespass on your property in order to maintain her 1 ft of leftover yard on your side of her fence. I think that is a good idea to fence off backyard completely so that she has to wait for you to unlock and let her in and she can clean her 1 ft while you watch. Or you can fence it off and tell her you will clean it yourself. Build your raised beds 1 ft away from the fence and then line the 1 ft with plastic and put down a thick layer of gravel or mulch. Nothing will grow there and neither you or her will have to maintain anything there. In Missouri, btw, It is my understanding that that 1 ft of property will end up belonging to you! I do think if she has a problem with them, she cannot do anything about it. You do not have to allow her onto your yard in order to maintain hers. You have that right. It is a problem SHE created for herself, so basically she just forfeited a foot of her yard.

everyone!!

OH MY STARS!!!!

After all of this indecision and "drama" guess what I found out today????

She is MOVING!!!!

They are moving furniture out of the house as I'm typing....go figure!!!

UGH!!!!!!!!

Hahahahahaha! We all made it happen with all our vibes!!!

do they own the place or rent? There is a good chance the 'new' people will not know one thing about the 1ft and I would let them think its mine. Chances are if they don't find out on their own and contest it-it's yours!

I was biting my tongue while thinking about weed seeds mixed with clay and rolled into little weed-seed-balls .... a slingshot ...

... but that would have been WRONG!

I think my neighbor also has OCD or "neat-freak" or "control" issues. The first and only thing she did in her yard was to have someone kill everything she could afford to kill.

Sometimes she sends her husband out with a nylon-line weed-whacker, and he trims the feeble weeds and grass down to the clay line, and then sends up a cloud of dust.

To be fair to her, my yard IS messy. If she had not gone so far out of her way to make trouble for me, I wouldn't feel so gleeful and "serves you right"!

Back when she was pretending to be a gardener, she talked about bringing in workmen to create a Square Foot Garden. Her eyes glowed when she talked about how "orderly" and "controlled" it would be. She must have thoguht that each plant would stop growing when its leaves touched the imaginary line bordering each square from the next square. To HER, "imaginary" lines are real.

I think what she really needs is concrete with thin white lines painted on it. Maybe pictures of plants - pictures that are very UNIFORM in size and shape!

I love the clay ball idea!