Oh, I love someone who invites mockery, Jill! But don't worry none of us will mock you here. We've all made so many plant mistakes . .. Pictures would help a lot, if you don't have the names of your orchids.
You're experiencing the glacial pace of orchid growth, first of all. Even big, healthy orchids grow pretty darned slowly. A traditional gardener who sees a plant go from a 4 inch transplant in spring to a 3ft. by 3ft. flowering delight in fall isn't prepared for the long wait some orchids make you suffer. Some of my orchids put on 3 leaves over the rainy summer, and that was a fantastic growth spurt. Any new growth is a big event.
Some orchids only bloom once a year, like Phalaenopsis. But the flowers last for at least a couple of months usually. If the plant had a setback, though, you may miss out on a whole year's bloom cycle.
I thought the Whiffle ball idea might have worked for a small orchid. (an orchid that would stay small, that is!) Eventually you might need to cut the top off the ball to let the leaves grow. Yes, it would take months to get enough roots to stabilize it. But maybe you could have fastened the plant to the ball so it didn't bounce around in there. A little piece of string, a short shoe lace, a zip tie, piece of plastic coated wire, or a strip of stretchy fabric would work, threaded through the holes and over the roots. Twist ties are too sharp and would cut into the roots. I used some stretchy lace that I had left over from a sewing project and that worked great, too. Doesn't last well in the sun, though.
You want your orchids to attach their roots to the container, so the plants need to be secure at first. That's why clay pots or anything wood (bare, not oiled or treated) work well. Rough surfaces invite the roots to attach. Although I have several that are very fond of their plastic pots, too. Depends upon the type of orchid.
Let's see those puppies! I mean 'chids!
