lovemyhouse's blog: …but I was smarter than most, and I could choose…

Posted on Aug 4, 2014 5:31 AM

Don’t know what to do about these bad dreams. One would think after being away from there for 20 months, they would have stopped. Slowed some, but still three or four every week. I understand why he let me be fired, I truly do. I had been the operations manager of his company for quite awhile and would have fired me, too. Can’t expect someone to carry an employee who isn’t doing the job, not even a repetitive task-oriented job. He did keep me on part-time for a year after the hospitalization. Nearly 10 years of loyalty to him and past personal relationship or no, that was generous. He could have been upfront and simply said, “I have to let you go.” Thought he knew me well enough to know I wouldn’t kick about it under the circumstances. But, dadgum! To let his 21-year-old daughter, who has no job experience and a steamroller personality, get with his new girlfriend to use accusations of theft and embezzlement as the termination cause--a year after I was no longer doing that job!!--is about as vile as you can get. He didn’t even show up himself, made excuses to be somewhere else. I certainly made a mess of the files that last year before I went to part-time. I certainly did choose to not send in some of the payroll taxes those last couple of years in order to keep the lights on and the rent paid. And I certainly borrowed some without running it by him first. Howsomeever, I found the three ‘missing’ files when she couldn’t--she refused to let me look on the fourth one. There was an arrangement in place with the tax folks. There were also records—in his own payroll system which couldn’t be falsified—to show the borrowed had been repaid, with interest AND he was given those records as soon as she took over the bookkeeping a full year before the firing. The “unaccounted for” cash, as he well knew, went into HIS pocket and to his undocumented workers. Took every last drop of mental and physical resource I could dredge up to keep that place going and all those people employed against his mismanagement, violent temper tantrums, and denial of any problems, too. Pretty sure the stress from such a crushing load while entrenched in a combat zone precipitated my health deterioration. Howsomeever, again: my choices, my consequences. What he let her do might have been the only way for me to become disentangled from him and that place, I dunno. I just want these dreams to stop.

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New Day. Another one woke me up at 4:52am this morning…sigh…Okay, best way to fight this is to be happy-productive. Got out at first light to dig in the new Iris bed. Ground had dried up quite a bit from the rains couple weeks back, so not as easy to break up the clods. Only a slow-beat step-dance on them to crush as I am wobbly today, but it is coming along. Channeled Johnny Bench with the rocks and got as many sifted out as was practical. Just as I decided it would be a good idea to take a break, a light rain started falling. Yea!! Hoping for more over the next couple of days. While I was out digging, some guy pulled into my driveway. Said he saw me out working, and could he get some water for his radiator. Sure, he can have water. At least he didn’t ask me for money this time. Don’t think he remembered he had done that several months ago when he walked by another time I was digging out front. After he filled and shut off the water, he did ask if I wanted him to turn off the motor and turn over some dirt for me. No. Thanks anyway. My own story can be depressing enough if I allow it, let’s not add a repeat of yours. ROFL

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Several New Day. Community garden folks are having a neighborhood chicken event. Yep, bring your chickens to the garden for fun, frolic, and fry…uh, fun and frolic. :-D Also having a plant sale, the proceeds for which go to the food pantry. And the stock for which came from—me. Awwww. LOL Been amassing all kinds of potted plants from increases, cuttings, and several dozen self-sown Caryopteris and Gomphrena. No way was there any room in the yard for all of them and don’t know why I kept doing it or what I thought I was going to do with them. Maybe I just liked seeing that I could successfully do it. I wanted to rehome a slew of Daylilies that I didn’t like or that were too close in color and form to others I liked better. Needed room for new Iris. And I had a bunch’a existing Iris rhizomes that were dug up to make room for the incoming. So they ended up with a decent haul. Hope all went well.

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Conversation with the garden folks got me to thinking. Timing is too coincidental to be chance. I need yard space, have stuff to give, find them after rooting around the ’net, get a greenhouse from the neighbors, have time…hmm, maybe this is what I am supposed to be doing for at least the near future. Learn how to USE that greenhouse. Have a ton of small pots. So, how about: start things from seeds, keep on with the cuttings, continue to thin out Daylilies and Iris, and supply the community garden for fundraising. Maybe start a ‘movement.’ Gosh, woodja think ‘bout that! My own old hippie dreams realized. Hmm, hmm. Intriguing idea…let’s experiment and see what happens. Might even learn to grow my very own VEH-gee-TAY-bles. But no ordering seeds until at least September, woman! T’ain’t in the budget, yet.

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New Day. Been a month since the home rehabilitation person said my packet had been received. Said it would be reviewed in a couple of weeks. I am anxious about approval and scared to death about what I will do if they turn me down. Keep finding new places on the house where the ants or whatever have eaten away the wood. Hear strange new creaks at night and can feel the floor flex in certain spots. The garage is visibly leaning in some places and one horizontal support beam is eaten clean through. Think I have mice in the house, too…sigh.


New days. We had another cool spell with rain! Oh, my! In a North Central Texas late July? That is a not so minor miracle and I am deeply grateful. Did a lot of work on the side yard getting Iris beds ready and planted. This morning, I was finishing rock-sifting and then planting Iris. Don’t know why I was in such a foul temper, but it got worse and worse the closer I got to completing that section. Was down to the last Iris and went to clear the clay clods off the trowel. So tempery that I was banging the trowel on the concrete to loosen the stuff. Which didn’t want to BE loosened. Fourth bang I hit so hard the trowel tip broke off and the base broke away from the handle. Well, that was useful. Why did I feel better, then? {{shaking head}} One big section left to clear of rocks, turn the soil once again, and get ‘em in.

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About the time I was throwing away the pieces, sister drives up with her 10-year-old grandson, Blondy, and boy-child. Yea, boy-child! Gosh, he is such a little boy, now. Not a baby any longer. Don’t know if he was happy to see me or just wanted out of his car seat. I was glad to see him, anyway. He had a good time for the short while they were here.

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New Day. Puttering this morning. New neighbors moved in this weekend. Have a little boy looks to be about 4. Hope he isn’t the ‘pull it up just for fun’ kind of kid. Will see. Mulched the latest section of Iris. Moved a pot of Clematis to a paver divider to see if I like the effect. These are a small type and I think they will look good with the Iris. Give some other form for visual interest, too. Finally took out the Sunflowers along the fence, they were too spent to leave any longer. Do need that vertical accent, going to look for columnar plants that can backdrop the Iris beds and not become thugs. Finally planted the Blue Pearl Sedums. Planted Police Stories Iris in the Story Bed. Still need to border the circle, haven’t found anything that looks interesting to me, yet. Found a section of rhizome from one I thought had rotted away. Still had a few good roots, so I potted it. See what happens next. Trimmed a section of Thyme and stuck some of those cuttings in the pots still on the porch—didn’t give the garden folk EVERYTHING {{snicker}}.

Feels a bit like a cold is coming on. Will see if I have the umph to get out in the morning and back to sifting rocks. Been working on some glass plate flowers to stick outside. Happy with the way they are coming along. While it has been an adjustment learning to be by myself again, it is fun to be able to spread out the crafty stuff and not worry about sister having room to eat her breakfast or the babies swallowing glass pebbles or Shorty knocking something off and leaving it for me to pick up. Might do more on those. Might not. Might just choose to stay in bed. Morning will tell, eh? :-)

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