I really do not like being yelled at. I freeze, remembering barracading myself in my closet while my father pounded on the door screaming that he was going to kill me. Later we would have to pretend that nothing had happened. The good old elephant in the living room, familiar to many who grew up in alcoholic families. So when someone yells at me I usually do not respond and we move on. However, I do not forget. I have the sober idea that adults should be able to discuss things calmly and to take responsibility if they revert to acting like a screaming two-year-old. Those, however, are what I call the shitters. Having dumped a big load of shit on their victim the often feel very proud of themselves (especially if their target, like me, freezes and does not scream - or even talk - back). Most of us know how good it feels to take a big dump and how long we remember it. That's why I call them the Shitters. At most, they may remember how good they felt after taking this big dump and they remember their victim only as a person who was present when they felt really good. Which can lead to awkward encounters the next time they meet as the shitee is very unlikely to have the same pleasant, though maybe foggy, memory of the encounter. There are people who have consistently dumped on me any time I talked with them who are furious when I refrain from giving them openings to shit on me again. If they should ask why I'm a little distant and I tell them there are two basic responses. First is, I don't remember that therefore it didn't happen. (Until, of course, you relax, give them another opening and they shit on you again. Don't worry they will not connect the new dump to the previous dump which you tried to remind them of.) The second response is "Well, that's what I felt like doing." As if having a feeling is an acceptable justification for behavior which is not acceptable. Many of the Shitters have therapists who encourage their rude behavior. These therapists can keep the Shitter coming back over and over as their shitting on people costs them relationships.
Sadly, many Shitters think that shitting on someone is the way to establish a relationship. Equally sadly, sometimes this works. Especially if the shitee is a person who is accustomed to abuse from family and friends and will take it as a sign of affection. I think that many abusive relationships begin this way: "He shit on me; he must like me."
For a shitee who is familiar with this routine it is often fairly easy to allow the Shitter to reveal his true colors. In the beginning, it will probably not be by shouting but by endless criticism, often (poorly) disguising their motive which is to establish themselves as the controller in the relationship. Yelling (Shitting) and/or physical abuse may follow but usually gentle shitting is the beginning of abuse.
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