So what the heck are these?
Are these sucking the life out of my geranium/pelargonium?

They are dark colored and dry.
The inside has a bunch of red-orange dots inside. Eggs?
And it has this weird silver underbody.

I think they died. Or they are capsules for eggs. Or idk. They don't move, and don't have any signs of life. Like I said, they are pretty stuck on there. I can pull them off with about 2-3 lbs or pressure (not much) and they are dry. Will grab another to show what the underside looks like, after my coffee break.

Some kind of scale?

Are they really?

They are only on the woody areas. They are not attached to the green/fresh/new growth.

I really don't know. It's the only thing That even remotely resembles what you have. Where's Will?

I've noticed Will tends to help with indoor plants. Mine are outside.

I read a post of his, months ago, that he doesn't like to comment on plants that are outside, because they vary too greatly. That's ok. Although it would be cool, just for an ID.

No Soul, a different Will.

They are scale insects. If they squish red, they're cochineals.

What do you mean "squish red?"

There are tiny red dots inside that look like eggs.

I don't smoke. My brothers cig was right next to me. Used for scale.

Cochineal is a type of scale bug traditionally used to make red dye. (Among other things the British Redcoats got their jackets from this color.) The scale were raised on cactus and other plants and then harvested and crushed to make the dye. Put the scale insect in your hand or on a flat surface and crush it to a pulp. If your fingers turn red you have the type of scale known as cochineal.

I got my sister some as a Christmas gift one time. Even dried for years they make everything look like a crime scene.

Ohhhhh I think that's what this is. Because I took a couple off and all of this red dust or dots came out and flew away with the wind. I thought they were eggs. Hmm... thank you all