Breathe, just breathe. And again.
You seem to have the knack & presence of mind to handling the situation with older mama. Me, I would have been screaming at her by now & heavy handedly issuing ultimatums & just plain PO'd & letting her know JUST how much. I used to have such amazing patience but it ran away.

She's 19 right? I *would* tell her I wasn't going to pay for her smokes anymore. She needs to quit anyway. Better at this age than years down the line. That doesn't come under the food, clothing & shelter umbrella. No one is going to die from lack of smokes but they can die from lack of food. Just my 2 cents worth. (And I'm a smoker) If she gets a job & can carry her load of the expenses & still have enough left over to pay for cigarettes then it's her decision. I'm just sayin'.

Ann, five--no, two years--no, six MONTHS ago, I'd be doing the same. I figured out, though (finally), that they are so used to screaming and being in trouble, that they are immune to any discipline of that kind. So, I am trying to be reasonable and matter-of-fact. You want to to do that? Fine, here are the ramifications. Your choices, your consequences--good AND bad.

My sister buys their cigarettes and they only get so many from Friday to Friday. I refuse to. Smoked myself for about 18 years. Quit in 1993? '94? Somewhere in there, anyway. It isn't the smoking, per se, that I object to with these girls. It is the times they HAVE to smoke when they should be doing something for their kids. And the horrid expense of them nowadays. My sister simply doesn't have the money to keep this up. The girl is saying that she will pay for her own smokes and plans to pay her own phone bill, too, if/when she starts working. Going to hold her to that.

Sounds like a plan Debra.

I'm glad you figured out what works for them. I still don't know that my fuse wouldn't be too short despite knowing better than to scream. Glad I'm not the one being tested that way.

...an I'm tryin' real hard to pass my test because I fear what will happen to the babies if I fail.

I know. The babies are uppermost in my mind too. Those damned rocks & hard spots.