I allways loved plants, specially trees but started to get serious at the start of the pandemic due to a lot of free time confined to my house. But suffering from both OCD and anxiety, gardening caused much more suffering than joy. Anxiety leads me to overthink and worriying too much about everything, like this morning, i cut a big sucker from an oak tree that i want to root, but as soon as notice spots in some leaves my mind got flooded with many thoughts: is this fungal, bacterial or a deficiency?will it affect the cuttings? is it gonna infect plants in the ground below? are my new tropical almond seedlings gonna be okay? can it be used as mulch or compost? is my entire backyard contaminated? and so on...

Things like this keep hapenning all the time and i cant take it anymore, a couple of weeks ago i asked a question on this same forum and i took many people including a bonsai expert to convince me that nothing is gonna happen to my seedling because i touched a root while transplanting. I dont wanna waste peoples time on this forum due to my dumb questions, what you guys think i should do? honestly, i think im not tought enough to deal with plants. Maybe this is not the best place to talk about mental health but i wanted to know the point of view from people in the plant community.

EDIT: Just wanted to make this very clear: now i realise gardening did not cause me suffering, in reality was the OCD and anxiety doing the damage.

Cooper, if gardening is truly causing you more suffering than joy, I would say you should trade it in for something that does cause you to be happy. However, if pretty much everything is causing you stress and anxiety you really need to discuss that with a professional who can help you figure out why and what you can do about it.

Weedwhacker said: Cooper, if gardening is truly causing you more suffering than joy, I would say you should trade it in for something that does cause you to be happy. However, if pretty much everything is causing you stress and anxiety you really need to discuss that with a professional who can help you figure out why and what you can do about it.

I think getting proffesional help is the answer, cant keep dodging it for fear of what he may tell me. At the end of the day there is no hobbie or trade where you have 100% control, i suppose questions, doubts and accidents are present pretty much everywhere, thank you.

Cooper, what does give you joy? Professional help is an excellent idea!

crawgarden said: Cooper, what does give you joy? Professional help is an excellent idea!

When it comes to gardening, i love to watch my plants day by day, cleaning wild weeds, watering, checking the progress of the fruit of my papaya tree and melon fruits and studiying plants on the internet.In general having this small garden makes me feel proud. And some day having a full blown garden with giant trees on the sides is one of my dreams. But alas, sometimes theres is too much obstacles either real or imaginary. I think the dead of my mango tree changed the way i see gardening.

Plants come and go, look at it as another gardening opportunity!😀

First of all, Cooper you are not wasting anybody's time. And mental health issues are, one way or another, part of every person's life.
I also encourage you to get counseling. You are suffering, and there is help.
I've been pondering your opening question: how do I deal with the anxiety inherent in gardening? I enjoy the feeling of being closer to nature when I garden. But nature is not always kind, it's not all rainbows and unicorns. Neither the good part nor the bad part is entirely under my control. I do what I can to create the right conditions for my plants to thrive, but at some point I have to let go and let nature take over. I think that letting go is a good thing.
Nature doesn't care, she may reward you and may not, but it's not personal.
Sometimes it's a joy, sometimes I grieve for plants--and pets and people too. Sometimes it's just hard work that may or may not be rewarded.
I guess all of life goes that way.
Thank you for sharing with us.
Carry on!

crawgarden said: Plants come and go, look at it as another gardening opportunity!😀

Thank you, i germinated and planted many tropical almonds due to a neighbors recommendation, i even planted one seedling next to whats left of the mango tree one day it may even help as a natural stake to guide the new plant.

MsDoe said: First of all, Cooper you are not wasting anybody's time. And mental health issues are, one way or another, part of every person's life.
I also encourage you to get counseling. You are suffering, and there is help.
I've been pondering your opening question: how do I deal with the anxiety inherent in gardening? I enjoy the feeling of being closer to nature when I garden. But nature is not always kind, it's not all rainbows and unicorns. Neither the good part nor the bad part is entirely under my control. I do what I can to create the right conditions for my plants to thrive, but at some point I have to let go and let nature take over. I think that letting go is a good thing.
Nature doesn't care, she may reward you and may not, but it's not personal.
Sometimes it's a joy, sometimes I grieve for plants--and pets and people too. Sometimes it's just hard work that may or may not be rewarded.
I guess all of life goes that way.
Thank you for sharing with us.
Carry on!

Thank you guys for your kind words and advice. Is hard to me to accept that there is a point when you just had to let nature decide what comes next; at the same time i dont want to make things harder for my plants. I guess even after getting proffesional help, learning to "let go" is something i must do.

Cooper24 I have horses and dogs along with my collection of garden plants. They are my support animals that helped me and so many others over the years. I had used the horses for a few years for kids with ADHD and for veterans to help change their focus coping with PTSD when riding. The horses teach so many different lessons about trust, building confidence and calming techniques. So do dogs.

Even gardening has been helpful. I'm a bit OCD/ADHD and proud of it.. I have spread out my garden into the horses pastures for a few acres now. Just grew what I could and learned as I went. It took a lot of mistakes to get it right. When I first started gardening I didn't know the difference between annuals and perennials. A few years later now my garden is a lovely area to relax and just play in the soil.

Over time learning skills improve . We all started from scratch… give it time and you too will become better every year . Practice garden skills slowly, reading about techniques and ask for help without fear of getting the above feelings you mentioned.

My best recommendation is learning from garden friends and neighbors near by or horticulture classes or a job in a nursery will teach you hands on experience about everything and learn what is best to grow in your zone. Computer access also has many you tube garden channels. A lot of garden questions are answered online too.

If I can help you in any way… just send a me TREE MAIL… 🐝

Cooper24, firstly, I am not going to suggest you seek counselling because it is not my place to do so. That is a decision you will have to make yourself. I must say that I agree in most part with MsDoe's comments. I can't say I myself have OCD or gross anxiety but as a gardener I do worry about many things ~ will my seeds germinate, will the plants grow, is there a disease going on and the list goes on and on. Gardening is a hit and miss kind of thing. It can be stressful but also rewarding. I am usually very happy with the end results. Sure things do go wrong many times but I try to find answers by coming here to this forum and inquiring what experiences other gardeners have had with similar problems and I also research on the Internet. Right now I am stressing over trying to get my tomatoes to ripen on the vines. We are having nights where close to frost is predicted so I go out and cover my tomato plants which are loaded with lots of green tomatoes up with blankets. That was all good and well but then it rained and now the plants are under wet blankets. Am hoping it will dry up and be a little warmer for another couple of weeks so the blankets can be removed and give the tomatoes time to turn red. Gardening is a struggle but I cannot tell you how excited it makes me to see all those tomatoes. Even if the frost does ultimately get them, it was very satisfying seeing how far I got in the growing process. Happens almost every year but, still, I will not give up. My therapy if you want to call it that is sitting outside on sunny days playing in the dirt, gardening good or bad. Hope you don't decide to give up.

Cooper, I hope you keep posting here.
Yes, working with plants can be frustrating. There are many things you can't control. It's hard for all of us to give up on sick plants, or to not take on plants we know we cannot keep happy. I've been interested in potted plants for about 50 years and had my own yard for 35, to get to this point where I can mostly take the losses without stress. And also just turn away plants I don't think will do well for me.

Mistakes with plants are almost inevitable. But there are a million other plants to try and some will grow.
You might try and look at the bigger plant picture. Up here where I garden, everything freezes over winter, and many plants die, or lose all their top growth. That is nature. They may come back from seeds, or grow new tops or leaves every summer.
Keep working on the good thoughts. It's natural to overthink some negative thoughts.
Keep posting here and folks will try and coach you and encourage you. The folks who post most often here are mostly folks with years of trial and error and reading behind them.

Cooper, thank you for starting this thread with such a great question; the responding posts have been heartening and enlightening to those of us who share this pickle on so many different levels, which I do not see as limited to gardening.

I've been trying to garden for almost 50 years in a continuously changing community - for better and worse - and sometimes I look at the duality of hope and despair like a Great Cosmic YoYo on bad days, or on milder days like Karel Capek's Garden Prayer* -

"'O Lord, grant that in some way it may rain every day, say from about midnight until three o'clock in the morning, but, you see, it must be gentle and warm so that it can soak it; grant that at the same time it would not rain on campion, alyssum, helianthemum, lavender, and the others which you in your infinite wisdom know are drought-loving plants – I will write their names of a bit of paper if you like – and grant that the sun may shine the whole day long, but not everywhere (not, for instance, on spiraea, or on gentian, plantain lily, and rhododendron), and not too much; that there may be plenty of dew and little wind, enough worms, no plant lice and snails, no mildew, and that once a week thin liquid manure and guano may fall from heaven. Amen."

* Karel Capek, The Gardener's Year - https://www.google.com/search?...

**I found the online reference for my post on the blog "Claire (The Captive Reader)" - https://www.google.com/search?... - I really like Claire's blog for the humor and perspective she brings to the challenges of gardening.

I don't think I could breathe without my passion for gardening, which I owe to my late dh. Before dh, there was a time I had no interest whatsoever in gardening or nature or that special confluence of art and science universal to every leaf, teaspoon of dirt and garden dream, which sometimes only the gardener can envision. Currently, my garden at its best is just a memory, and for now partial management is without my consent (interference).

One more thing I have found essential to managing garden (and other) anxiety is the Serenity Prayer -

"God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference."
https://www.lords-prayer-words...

Excellent post,

Another thought- I see this with friends at work. Friends of all ages who haven't had a plant hobby for years like I have. There are many 'fun ' plants for sale. Stores will offer what they think will sell, or what is easy to produce. They don't sell what is most likely to live for all buyers. . but when you are starting out, you have no experience to judge what is easy to care for, and what is bound to fail. With asking questions and reading here, you can learn to make better choices what to try and what not to.
It's OK to make mistakes with plants. I still do it after decades of experience!
It's OK to ask questions. It's OK to need help.

Sometimes I think our anxiety comes from not wanting to make a mistake or mess something up (after all, it's been so engrained in us since we were children that mistakes are "bad"). But, it's okay for something to not work out/die, you have to redo it, etc. Gardening mistakes shouldn't be looked at in such a negative light, but as learning opportunities.

bumplbea said:
Even gardening has been helpful. I'm a bit OCD/ADHD and proud of it.. I have spread out my garden into the horses pastures for a few acres now. Just grew what I could and learned as I went. It took a lot of mistakes to get it right. When I first started gardening I didn't know the difference between annuals and perennials. A few years later now my garden is a lovely area to relax and just play in the soil.

Gardening did actually help with one important thing that used to bother me a lot more, getting dirty. having to with "gross" things like soil and compost with my bare hands help me to getting more comfortable to the dirtinnes of every day life, before that i used to run to wash my hands after returning from work (this was years before covid) and now i can touch my cats and money without feeling sick. Of course the pandemic set me back but im much better now, thank you for your advice.

tigerpaws said: I can't say I myself have OCD or gross anxiety but as a gardener I do worry about many things ~ will my seeds germinate, will the plants grow, is there a disease going on and the list goes on and on. Gardening is a hit and miss kind of thing. It can be stressful but also rewarding.

Wish i started gardening with that mindset. Now im aware that there is no such thing as total control but the amount of variables that i did not take into account from the most mundane like watering and fungi to the most extreme like hurricanes and floods is overwhelming. From now on i must accept that there is only so much i can do and let nature do the rest, is it easy to say mut i admit is hard to do. Thank you, wish you the best of luck with your tomatoes.

sallyg said: Cooper, I hope you keep posting here.
Yes, working with plants can be frustrating. There are many things you can't control. It's hard for all of us to give up on sick plants, or to not take on plants we know we cannot keep happy. I've been interested in potted plants for about 50 years and had my own yard for 35, to get to this point where I can mostly take the losses without stress. And also just turn away plants I don't think will do well for me.

OCD and anxiety aside, probably i get to attached to my plants. I mean, is a hobby is not like i depend from them for food or money, is just plain sentimental, so is really hard to let go. If this is some kind of symptom from my mental health state, im gonna find out with a proffesional, thank you.

Bluespiral said: I don't think I could breathe without my passion for gardening, which I owe to my late dh. Before dh, there was a time I had no interest whatsoever in gardening or nature or that special confluence of art and science universal to every leaf, teaspoon of dirt and garden dream, which sometimes only the gardener can envision. Currently, my garden at its best is just a memory, and for now partial management is without my consent (interference).

Im very lucky you know, and i just see it now. My family couldn't care less about gardening yet they talk me out of leaving it many times because they know i love it. They give strenght and keep my anchor. Thank you for your advice and the prayers, never hear of them before.

Hamwild said: Sometimes I think our anxiety comes from not wanting to make a mistake or mess something up (after all, it's been so engrained in us since we were children that mistakes are "bad"). But, it's okay for something to not work out/die, you have to redo it, etc. Gardening mistakes shouldn't be looked at in such a negative light, but as learning opportunities.

Just like what Tigerpaw post, this is a mindset many people, not only in gardening but in many other hobbies should start with not making this hard on you for making mistakes,like a novice carpenter saying "oops just cut this plank the wrong way guess is time to quit". Thank you.