Pam
"And there in lies, why I keep doing it. Not doing it would be worse. Well for me at least. "
I understand. So do a little bit. A small tree. A small feast. She will complain. However, she will complain even if you go all out. So save yourself.
When she complains just say, "I was just too tired to go all out this year. It was more important to me to do something and have you here than not to do anything. This is the best I can do this year."
My own birth-mother complained even when I did everything perfectly. Since she was going to be a grouch anyway, I decided I didn't need to put in all of the hard work. The results would be exactly the same.
She got used to it. Never stopped complaining, but under it all, she no longer expected me to go all out.
