In this particular situation I would personally be more than happy with the way in which the nursery addressed their mistake in not sending the L. sargentiae bulbs advertised, and even recompensing disappointment with L. taliense. I think they've done a great job of looking after you, Joe.
But the issue that still seems to stick is really one of experience. Lilies are so diverse that gaining experience in one type might not just leave us totally unprepared for the realities of another, but also misguided. I honestly think you were caught out by your experience with large-bulbed hybrids/inexperience with species leading to unrealistic expectations. Just my honest opinion based on what you've written and meant kindly :)
Now we had a species bulb supplier here who used to perennially disappoint even the the seasoned lily-collectors with seedling bulbs supplied very young and very small, sometimes several years away from flowering. The age of bulbs would be stated, but even thus prepared, many skilled growers still had no success in keeping them going long enough to raise to flowering age. A newly addicted grower was relying on luck.
Should the supplier have grown them on to a more mature stage before selling them? Were his descriptions accurate? How likely was it that he knew what was beneath the surface of his potting soils before he printed the catalogue? It's kind of dark in there... I'm sure many nurseries have to print catalogues before they know the exact condition of the harvest. Or if they sell straight in the pot they may never know exactly the condition of what they are supplying. Often if bulbs are smaller than expected a nursery will increase the number supplied, in recognition of the fact... but are they responsible for educating their buyers in something for which experience is the best teacher?
Another mentoring grower is your best friend I think, when it comes to shaping your expectations. Without that, we just learn along the way and (I personally believe) cut small suppliers a little slack. Or cultivate a deeper relationship with them, let them get to know you personally. Mind-reading another person's expectations is hard at the best of times!
If someone is willing to take the risk supplying something unusual, responsibility lies with both sides. Be realistic and open to the possibility of failure and disappointment. You and the supplier are taking a risk together. It's a shared adventure rather than one in which the supplier has disproportionate power and knowledge.
What am I trying to say... I don't think you've been ripped off, Joe, or mislead or in any way taken advantage of. I think you're fortunate to have the opportunity to gain experience, try your hand with some amazing species and take responsibility for your own education, so you can relate to suppliers on equal terms.
