Grumpy cause of depression. Just need to vent a bit...

I feel like it's been kicking the crap out of me lately. No matter what I do, I just feel so down and unmotivated and like it's hard to care about much. The only thing I've found myself really caring about is mum's health. But other than that... I don't have a care in the world. Everything's just gone. I keep having weird thoughts that concern me a bit as well... but I don't have my hospital group anymore or psychologist right now, so there isn't really anyone to talk to about it. I miss seeing my psych, but due to cost restraints, I haven't been able to do appointments. My job had a therapy app but since I left and didn't get taken back, that's also gone. I just feel very empty inside anymore. I don't even take good care of myself cause I just don't care to. I've been struggling to focus on my art. I haven't even taken good care of my plants (normally I love my indoor gardening). Just can't find the drive. I feel like all I want to do is sleep. The last time I felt this bad, mum took me to the hospital and I got referred to a psychiatrist who put me on a different medication. Not sure if it's helping anymore or if I'm just having a rough patch.

I also continue to find myself frustrated with personal struggles, and beating myself up for my limitations. Which I know doesn't help... but I can't help it. I have a consult at the end of April to be assessed for ADHD. If that proceeds, my doctor wants to try some medication. I don't know how to feel about it. I don't want to end up with ADHD, but it'd also explain so many struggles I have and always have had. I just can't help but feel a little broken if that's the case. Or if I have something else going on. Doctor thinks ADHD though.

So much frustration, sadness, and sad thoughts. Sad thoughts that haunt me. I have trouble coping with them sometimes. I don't know what to do...

Had so much anxiety lately too. Feels like I'm nonstop having anxiety attacks, which leave my heart racing every time. Not sure if that's particularly good for me.

Thanks for reading if anyone did. Just needed to let out some thoughts. I tried journaling a few times but never stuck with it. Maybe I should give it a go again...

TK really sorry to hear about troubles, maybe give your dr a call

I might have to when I get back. I could go to the psychiatrist but I honestly hate him. He couldn't give less of a crap... He makes me feel like such an inconvenience and waste of time. I was waitlisted for a psychiatrist. Only reason I saw him was because of the hospital admit. He deals with inpatients at the hospital. I'd love a different one though. I'm not the only one either. When you look him up, he has poor reviews and ratings.

Having so much anxiety this morning about my travel tomorrow. Not sure if I just suddenly get travel anxiety now (I had it the last time I flew. Not all the times before), or if it's me being worried about mum... I feel a little guilty booking the visit when she's having a rough go. Even though she's still encouraging me not to worry and to go. Keeps telling me she'll be okay and "I'm not responsible for her". I guess I just see it as... she took care of me growing up, and when I had surgery as an adult. I feel like I should return the favor when she's in need. I know she's tough. She's been through some crazy things medically and always pulls through. I just can't help but worry. I hope I don't worry too much.

I really would feel better if I knew dad cared. But he gets angry when she isn't well and will downright refuse to help. I thought he was finally taking it seriously when I brought her to the hospital last week. But then he continued being an ass afterward. I just can't trust him to help. Mum always says she doesn't need him. But when she's struggling, I'd just feel better knowing someone was there. I'll be upset if I find out she's struggling and I'm all the way in Cal.

I'm a worry-worm...

I kinda know how you feel...maybe. Damned if you do and...all that. Am finding computer problems lately and don't know where my daughter got her abilities in that area. I got the diagnosis for ADD, but the shortages of the drugs is so bad, I practically gave up. It did help me, however when I had it!

Macrocentra said: Grumpy cause I've had a migraine for 3 days now. Tried multiple Tylenols and a prescription powder I have for migraines. It's still
persisting.

Wonder if it's the weather. Our weather's been all over the place lately...

I'm my younger days, I got migraines when I was taking birth control pills. It is possible, if you are not taking g hormones of any kind, you may have a hirmone imbalance. That would be something to consider.

I just had one of those mornings when I simply wasn't here. I did one chore with Tony's help then went back to bed to vegetate. I'm trying to firure out the best way to plan my trip. Since our local bank closed getting money is a hassle. The bank in Santa Rosalis, 35 miles north, has been giving only half of what they used to and I can't access BofA online (I used to be able to).I may ask my niece for helpI think we could set it up so it would be fairly easy for her to transfer money from my BofA account to Tony's Mexican account. It is already set up - if I only had access to my BofA account. If it ain't one thing it's another.

I have done some successful puttering on garden stuff. Any progress is welcome. I also have some major changes planned in my head. I have to make changes because I am so limited in what I can do physically and what was doable ten years ago no longer is. I need to stop grumping and gradually make the changes - with a lot of help from Tony. He's gone for the weekend but there are a few things I can do.

I have this Lumix DMC LX-15 camera. I've had it a while, but I decided I'd re-set it, so I went on YouTube and followed all the suggested instructions, pausing many times to get it right. It took so long, the battery needed charging!
Why they need to make it so complicated, I've no idea.
The end result was rubbish.

So I did a "factory re-set" and now it's working fine!

Digital alarm clocks became so hard to set - thankful I just use my phone now.
We had an IT guy with an accent. After awhile, we knew anytime we had computer trouble the first answer would be Rrrrrree- boottt!! I can't say reboot any other way now.

Hoping to head north tomorrow. Once I'm in Ca. I can transfer money to Tony's Mexican account.

As usual, I'm grumpy because of pain. It usually receeds within a few hours of y waking up but it's hard to be patient. We've just had a little rain. It would be nice to get morre but today, not toomorrow.

A funny post on FB from a woman who parked at our free campground enjoyed it a few days then was kept awake most of last night. The responses were funny. Mostly telling her that lot of Mexicans party on Saturday night. It was kind of funny to have someone who was enjoying free camping for most of the week to complain about noise on a Saturday night. I live about a quarter mile up from the campground and I hardly ever hear any noise. When I do I just accept it as part of living in Mexico.

TK, were you sble to take your kitties with you?

So sorry to hear of all the health issues. Hope everyone gets better quickly.

About migraines, Feverfew helps. I know nothing is the right treatment for everybody, but for my late hubby and for me, it was really a good option for our migraines and no prescription needed.

AnnaZ said: TK, were you sble to take your kitties with you?

No, my pets stay with mum when I come visit. I'm going to be out here till March 8th, assuming nothing crazy happens back home.

LindaTX8 said: About migraines, Feverfew helps. I know nothing is the right treatment for everybody, but for my late hubby and for me, it was really a good option for our migraines and no prescription needed.

I'll have to give it a try if I can find it. Worth a shot.

I have my prescription powder for migraines. It generally works well, but I only take it when absolutely necessary cause it's a pretty strong drug.

grumpy 'cause, not sleeping, got out of bed to read a book (that I am pretty excited about) online at google books, only to find it is a preview and I only had a couple pages left.

Aw, Sally! I guess you'll have to go to the library!

evelyninthegarden said: Aw, Sally! I guess you'll have to go to the library!

in fact, the print copy of this book should arrive next week from an out of county library.

What is "google books" ? (I guess I could google it to find out )

I can't remember the last time I read an actual "print" book, other than some of the gardening books that I have; it's all about the Kindle now for me!

https://www.google.com/books/e...
I don't know why preview is unavailable. I accessed the preview- about the first 50 pages online.
My state will lend the print book to me - called interlibrary loan.

Ebooks are great for reading in bed!

Grumpy cause of Covid. Fiance got sick a few days ago and then me shortly after. Went to a doctor today and tested positive for Covid. The medication prescribed was $1130 so I had to turn it down. I can't afford that...

Thankfully it isn't nearly as bad as the first time I had it. First time, I had the worst headache of my life and felt like I had electricity coursing through my body. Along with the other symptoms.

Sorry to hear that TK, take care of yourself!
Guessing the prescribed medication was Paxlovid.