Irises forum: Symptoms of 'Iris Virus"

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Name: John
Kansas City,MO (Zone 6a)
Region: Missouri Composter Enjoys or suffers cold winters Plays in the sandbox
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yadah_tyger
May 21, 2016 3:59 AM CST
With all this rain over the last three weeks, I turn to humor instead of frustration. My 'Jersey Shore' side takes over. So here is my list of symptoms of 'Iris Virus';

January - All the beds are nice and clean, fans trimmed, dirt showing and you say to yourself, "They look OK. Maybe I do have room for a few more. But this year no more then ten or so 'newbies'.

February - "Come on you guys, open your site already. I mean, what's the big deal" You keep scanning your list of favorite sites, you even send E-mail to a few inquiring on the opening date. You post the answer in the forums.

March - You put in your first order, attempting to stick to your 'wish list''. You post what you ordered on the forums. Then you read what everyone else is ordering and you begin to think "Oh man, I have to have that one too". There goes the "But no more then ten".

April - Now the real fun begins. You pace the beds a few times a day, looking for fat leaves. How exciting it is to find the first 'pregnant' Fan. You post the good tidings on the forums.

May - Finally. The first few bloom stalks. Then bunches more of bloom stalks. You are now worse then your kids were on Christmas morning. You might as well just glue a camera to your hand. You primp up the blooms to look their best, prop up the lazy ones, cut a few fans here and there to get the best photos. You post the photos on the forums. You look at all the other photos on the forums and say "Hey, I might as well add to that order". You contact the seller and it's a done deal, order added!!

June - With the bloom season behind you, the next cycle of cleanup begins. Old stalks to cut, outer fans removed, clean any stuff between the clumps, etc. Then a mild form of panic sets in. You notice that the dirt that was visible last January has completely disappeared, if your clumps could talk they would be saying "He's touching me!". Then it hits with full force, "Oh man, what did I do". You share this your friends on the forums and they respond with "Buy pots". OK, sounds good. Momentary relief.

July - Boxes suddenly start showing up on your doorstep. First from the suppliers. One, then two, then "Oh my". You take each one out, clean it, lay it out in a nice line of 'newbies'. Then "I don't remember ordering that. Oh crap, I forgot about the bonuses. Guess I need to order some more pots. OK, no biggie, I'm still under control". Then the 'gift boxes' These are actually wheel barrows that can be mailed. What a concept!!

August - "Whewwwww, that was close. They are all planted. That wasn't so bad. But next year, I swear. No more then ten.

September - "Sheezzz, I thought I had more rebloomers tham that. Guess I should start my 'wish list' for next year".

October - You get to take a short breather. Planting and relocating is done. OK, so a few of your neighbors have sighs on the lawn saying "No dumping iris here". They really love iris, they just don't know it yet.

November - Some wise guy posts on the forums "The Sisters are having their end of season 'fourfer' sale.". And look at that, there are the Aussies that you have always wanted. OK, maybe it really isn't to late to plant. Then the posts on the forums "I won, I won". Do a desperate search for bare ground, dig a whole, plant the rhizome. Cover it with straw, it will be OK.

December - Wow. I made it through the year. OK, so I have potted Iris coming out of my ears. I'm OK. At least I'm not as bad as so-in-so. THEY are really over the top.


Many blessings.
When they call the roll in the Senate, the Senators do not know whether to answer 'Present' or 'Not guilty.' Theodore Roosevelt
Name: John
Kansas City,MO (Zone 6a)
Region: Missouri Composter Enjoys or suffers cold winters Plays in the sandbox
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yadah_tyger
May 21, 2016 4:02 AM CST
So have some fun and add to the list. Be humorous, laughter heals!!

Blessings
When they call the roll in the Senate, the Senators do not know whether to answer 'Present' or 'Not guilty.' Theodore Roosevelt
Name: Tom
Southern Wisconsin (Zone 5b)
Irises Vegetable Grower Butterflies Region: Wisconsin Keeps Horses Cat Lover
Dog Lover Keeper of Poultry Daylilies Celebrating Gardening: 2015
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tveguy3
May 21, 2016 4:57 AM CST
Very true John! Hilarious!
I am not afraid of an army of lions led by a sheep; I am afraid of an army of sheep led by a lion. - Alexander the Great
Name: Robin
Melbourne, Australia (Zone 10b)
Region: Australia Irises Garden Photography
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Totally_Amazing
May 21, 2016 5:32 AM CST
Constantly telling your partner that you will never buy another cat because he keeps pouncing on your irises and digging in the garden beds.
Name: Missy
SC (Zone 8a)
Plant Lover: Loves 'em all! Region: South Carolina Plant and/or Seed Trader
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Zazinnia
May 21, 2016 7:48 AM CST
Rolling on the floor laughing Rolling on the floor laughing That is good, John.
"Loving God... loving each other....
and the story never ends." Lyrics by Bill and Gloria Gaither

Aint nothing flashing but the fireflies...lyrics by Paul Simon

Name: Susan
Keenesburg, Colorado (Zone 5a)
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MileHighGardner
May 21, 2016 8:34 AM CST
What the diagnostician! No wonder I've been so ill !! I wish you had a clinic to help with the addiction. I had lots of fun reading this and it rings so true.
Name: Pam
Pennsylvania
Irises Keeps Horses Cat Lover Dog Lover Region: Pennsylvania
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Snork
May 21, 2016 10:21 AM CST
Excellent John!

Only cure for the iris virus.....Win the lottery and buy a farm!
Name: Niki
Bend, Oregon (Zone 6a)
Flowers are food for the soul.
Region: Oregon Bee Lover Butterflies Daylilies Dragonflies Frogs and Toads
Hummingbirder Irises Organic Gardener
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HighdesertNiki
May 21, 2016 10:39 AM CST
Very funny. My husband says that I can't make everyone convert their lawns to iris. I would like to add a symptom. You walk around the neighborhood to see what iris your neighbors have, so you might share in the future. I was quite pleased to find one with a secret garden. It looks like the have 'That's All Folks', 'Supreme Sultan', a couple siberians, a couple historics, and a few I don't recognize. I only had to walk fifty blocks, just kidding more like four.
"The Earth laughs in flowers."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
[Last edited by HighdesertNiki - May 21, 2016 10:42 AM (+)]
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Name: Cleta
Idaho Falls Idaho (Zone 4a)
Region: Idaho Lilies Irises
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cbelt1
May 21, 2016 10:44 AM CST
You have to quell the urge to peel back the paper-like cover of the spathe just to get a glimpse on moist delicate petals just to get a hint of color . No slapping of hands is allowed. Must depend on self discipline .
Cleta

Region: California
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UndertheSun
May 21, 2016 11:06 AM CST
Don't forget the PNW sale in September. Hilarious!
Name: Bonnie Sojourner
Harris Brake Lake, Arkansas (Zone 7a)
Magnolia zone
Region: United States of America Region: Arkansas Master Gardener: Arkansas Irises Bulbs Seed Starter
Gardens in Buckets Garden Art Plant and/or Seed Trader Moon Gardener Garden Ideas: Master Level Celebrating Gardening: 2015
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grannysgarden
May 21, 2016 2:30 PM CST
MileHighGardner said:What the diagnostician! No wonder I've been so ill !! I wish you had a clinic to help with the addiction.


Only one help for this virus, make two more wish list and call the vendors in the morning.

I love my garden.... and Jesus, and coffee, and naps.......
Name: Tom
Southern Wisconsin (Zone 5b)
Irises Vegetable Grower Butterflies Region: Wisconsin Keeps Horses Cat Lover
Dog Lover Keeper of Poultry Daylilies Celebrating Gardening: 2015
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tveguy3
May 22, 2016 4:01 AM CST
Or in Susan's case she could drive to Iris 4 U and sit and inhale irises all day long.
I am not afraid of an army of lions led by a sheep; I am afraid of an army of sheep led by a lion. - Alexander the Great

Region: California Cat Lover Irises Enjoys or suffers hot summers Dog Lover
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iciris
May 22, 2016 12:25 PM CST
From January to December adding to the want list because of all the beautiful pictures posted on this forum. Hilarious!
Name: John
Kansas City,MO (Zone 6a)
Region: Missouri Composter Enjoys or suffers cold winters Plays in the sandbox
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yadah_tyger
Aug 17, 2016 7:52 AM CST
Thought I would bubble this thread back to the top, since I am firmly in the "Whewww, that was close". And right on time. Got the last ones in pots and now it's time to slow down just a bit.
So where are the rest of you kind folks in stream of the 'virus'?

But I swear, next year, no more then 10!!!

Blessings
When they call the roll in the Senate, the Senators do not know whether to answer 'Present' or 'Not guilty.' Theodore Roosevelt
Name: Arlyn
Whiteside County, Illinois (Zone 5a)
Irises Beekeeper Region: Illinois Celebrating Gardening: 2015
crowrita1
Aug 17, 2016 8:43 AM CST
I still have irises "coming".......several "buddy boxes", and two actual orders....both of which have some beardless irises (although one also has a couple TBs). It's late enough into my season that anything planted , now, has very little chance of bloom for next year, but, that's life ! It seems that just a few miles can make a pretty good difference, sometimes, in when the "best time" really is....so, considering that we are sending them from coast to coast and border to border, it's not surprising that when it's the "right time to dig", in one area, it's NOT the "right time to plant" someplace else Sticking tongue out
Name: Debra
Garland, TX (NE Dallas suburb) (Zone 8a)
Service dogs: Angels with paws.
Dragonflies Dog Lover I was one of the first 300 contributors to the plant database! Garden Photography Bee Lover Plays in the sandbox
Butterflies Region: Texas I sent a postcard to Randy! Charter ATP Member Annuals Garden Sages
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lovemyhouse
Aug 17, 2016 8:47 AM CST
yadah_tyger said: But I swear, next year, no more then 10!!!
Blessings



John, get back to us on that one come next March or April. Whistling Big Grin
If you don't ask, the answer is always 'no.'
Name: Liz
Concord, MA (Zone 6a)
Lover of wildlife (Raccoon badge) Peonies Organic Gardener Lover of wildlife (Black bear badge) Butterflies Bulbs
Bee Lover Hummingbirder Daylilies Clematis Region: Northeast US Birds
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Dachsylady86
Aug 17, 2016 9:52 AM CST
I continue to be virulent with my iris addiction, placing additional last minute orders from my 2017 wishlist that I just cannot wait for. I had originally selected a little over 100 to order and now I'm over 500 for this season, oh boy....
Name: Lilli
Copenhagen, Denmark, EU
Irises Roses Bulbs Winter Sowing Plant Lover: Loves 'em all! Bee Lover
Dog Lover Region: Europe
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IrisLilli
Aug 17, 2016 9:56 AM CST
Rolling on the floor laughing John! ...and everyone who added to the virus symptoms list! Rolling on the floor laughing

I have these to add:

Running around between irises during bloom time like a human bee with tweezers to make those Dykes Medal crosses! Big Grin
...and then having to explain to visitors why some of your plants appear to be 'gift-wrapped'.

Training the dog to stay out of the iris beds _especially_ when looking for that perfect spot to bury his bone!

Keeping pollen in the freezer/seeds in the fridge and explaining the vital importance of this to your significant other, who have to move them around whenever she/he is looking for something to eat.

Convincing said significant other that lawn is overrated and irises are much more decorative and easier to care for.

Having dug a nice, productive vegetable garden, which is now home to all your iris seedlings and/or a nursery bed for ailing irises.
You don't know if it will grow until you try!
Name: John
Kansas City,MO (Zone 6a)
Region: Missouri Composter Enjoys or suffers cold winters Plays in the sandbox
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yadah_tyger
Aug 17, 2016 10:31 AM CST
Lilli - Yeah, explaining to the neighbors. Especially the reason for carrying a green can of Comet with bleach. And lawns are very overrated!

Thank you for your additions.

Blessings
When they call the roll in the Senate, the Senators do not know whether to answer 'Present' or 'Not guilty.' Theodore Roosevelt
Name: Lilli
Copenhagen, Denmark, EU
Irises Roses Bulbs Winter Sowing Plant Lover: Loves 'em all! Bee Lover
Dog Lover Region: Europe
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IrisLilli
Aug 17, 2016 10:39 AM CST
Thank You!

Oh and coming up with reasons (that iris-muggles will accept) why you cannot visit friends and family or go on vacation in May or June.
You don't know if it will grow until you try!

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