Yes, I like her. Her mother..practically raised my husband even tho she was not much older. She even introduced him to his brginnings of religious upbringing.

That cousin ( her mom ) passed little more than a year ago,
She has had a crazy few years.
Retiring from the military
Divorce
The MS
Her brother took his life 3 years ago
Her mom passed and and after multiple protracted illnesses
And then her elderly father ( a dictator ) got lymphoma
Her youngest sis has a mess of $$ problems and turns to her ( she is the oldest ) to support the 3 nieces ( all very young ) ..she bought her a house and " rents " it to her -- when she gets the rent... the girl has a man who doesn't like to work..
The other sister ..went to medical school and well...she is tied up with her own life and wants no drama..she escaped from the craziness and aint going back.
Her ADULT college age kids are needy ( and spoiled ) and the fact that their day just died ( the raw oysters ) they are playing it to the max

Everybody is holding onto her legs and expecting her to mend and fix their lives and frankly her legs with the MS and a fresh dose of menopause stirred in are not that steady ...well...

She called and said she felt upended and could she come
Her faith is shaken
She knows I will listen and with me it is black and white ..no gray.
I think she wants someone to tell her she need to shake those leeches off and put herself first.
She has always been the rock supporting everyone $$ wise and emotionally. Even her parents. She doesn't have anything left to give.

She can come and rest up because if and when she cuts that bunch loose...there is gonna be some howling and pushback like nobody's ever seen.

Sell some tickets for that one!

The first year I was an Elementary Principal I thought my job was to fix everything for everybody. Soon I had so many monkeys on my back I couldn't turn around, problem was none of them were my monkeys. I soon learned that I did't help anyone by making them dependent on me, I help them best by helping them learn to be independent. I became a much better administrator once I learned that when people come to me with their monkeys, they can take it off their back for a while, I might brush it, or feed it a banana, but when they left the office they took their monkey with them. I have enough of my own. Under the best leadership, the followers say, "I did it myself"!

Before I retired, I learned to perfect the "be prepared to tell me EVERYTHING YOU DID to solve the issue you are about to ask me to resolve " face. It worked.

"She called and said she felt upended and could she come
Her faith is shaken
She knows I will listen and with me it is black and white ..no gray.
I think she wants someone to tell her she need to shake those leeches off and put herself first.
She has always been the rock supporting everyone $$ wise and emotionally. Even her parents. She doesn't have anything left to give.

She can come and rest up because if and when she cuts that bunch loose...there is gonna be some howling and pushback like nobody's ever seen."

Rosie ...

She knows she is part of the problem. No one can take advantage of some one like that without their permission. To get them to let go, she has to let go of them first. That will be so very hard for her. I'll be praying for her. I think that will be harder than the MS.

Maybe, just maybe, you can help her work out a strategy she can live with as she works through this transition. It's a big one.

We made headway.
Found a lifecoach in hervhome town
Established voc rehab via military and PERHAPS they will cover life coach
Learned she is picking and choosing meds (fears) and some she is adjusting is downright dangerous to mess with
Asked her to have discussion with doc about checking on stomach emptying time..after observing her I think MS may be impacting that..and she now has appt with gastro doc and is scheduled for endoscopy
She agreed to have $$ discussion with her two kids ( adults ) ( no way for me to get in the middle of that )
I did speak with siblings .. ..I dunno.......we will see...
Made a few nutritional dietary adjustments
We also made a hard copy written plan with order of priorities for physical, psych, and economics..
Before her lists were endless and jumbled..and everything was highlighted...they made me anxious! What she has is much simplier and I hope the lifecoach will further refine.

And ((get this)) she is interested in taking life coach certification and coursework. She has masters degree in human resources..not sure exactly what specialty..ao this should be a good next step and way to make $$

If she follows through
She also made contact with MS support group to learn what is available and a womens group from her community seems to be active and she will call them.

She just needed help in sorting it all out.

Rosie ...

That's good work. Having a written plan and identifying resources has to give her a sense that she can manage things differently.

You did good ...

Thanks. I just provided some structure. Easy when it was not me in the middle of it.
She was so overwhemed that everything was as important as everything else..even dciding if she wanted banana in her cereal was throwing her into a tizzy.

Rosie .... Don't discount what you did ! You were an answer to a prayer ... That's BIG !

This thread is a good one and it got off and in no little part because of me.

The best part of living alone is finding that coconut almond joy right where you left it! AND not having to split it when it has already shrunk!

I am with you on the almond joy. If I want to put a few in the freezer, they are still there. No one complains that "now they are toooo hard to eat". I say why not in this hot weather. We are having a mini heat wave.

I stash the "fun" size mounds in the freezer just for emergencies. Gene

I never thought to freeze them........

They would never get gone.........all the food that needs actual cooking is in there.....ain't nobody looking there but me!

But there are all scattered in the nooks and grannies were I don't run across them unless I am looking for them. Maybe I meant crannies. Gene

The 'grannies' did give me pause for thought...

The part I like best is that there is no one around to hear me moan and groan while I am hunting for my attitude adjustment.

RoseBlush1 said:The part I like best is that there is no one around to hear me moan and groan while I am hunting for my attitude adjustment.

Yes. The hardest part of living alone (I see another starting here) is puling yourself up by the boot straps when you are not doing well. Gene

The hardest part of living alone is not having anyone to blame when something goes missing!

Yes indeed. Not only do I get to do all the cleaning, if something is misplaced I have no one but me to blame. Gene