OK - I can tell you what the questions, if the phone ever rings, will be so you can practice your answers.
Why can't I get centipede grass to grow under my Live Oak?
I used Weed & Feed in Ohio, why can't I use it here?.
My peonies died.
Why do I have to do a soil test?
Can I plant pansies now?
I pruned my mophead hydrangeas in January, why aren't I getting any flowers?
My Lilacs died.
I sprayed Round Up on the flower beds and it killed everything not only the weeds like it was supposed to.
etc. etc. etc.