Oh my gosh, Susan! How on Earth did they find you? That is definitely scary, and I would most definitely alert the authorities. You would think that once you got out that it would be done. What vindictive and crazy people!

RoseBlush1 said:Ginny ...

I actually prefer to use straw for mulch these days. No, it does not feed the soil as well, but it does inhibit weed growth better. I also don't have to replace it every year.

I didn't get enough mulch down this year, so I am certain I'll be dealing with a lot more weeds in spring ...

I will use straw if I don't have enough Fall Leaves. But the leaves are free and I have to buy the bakes of straw.

JamesAcclaims said:Oh my gosh, Susan! How on Earth did they find you? That is definitely scary, and I would most definitely alert the authorities. You would think that once you got out that it would be done. What vindictive and crazy people!

I expect that it was the lady who we met at the town's Senior meeting a week 1/2 ago - she knows a former neighbour (and former friend, once they became friends with our former tenants and started trashing us, believing our tenants' lies about us) and asked if we knew the friend of ours. I said "yes. We haven't shared where we moved to with anyone from the previous Park". I thought that would have been enough, but maybe not........

Newyorkrita said:

I will use straw if I don't have enough Fall Leaves. But the leaves are free and I have to buy the bakes of straw.

Rita ... it costs me gas money to go get the leaves. It's easier just to buy a bale of straw in town at the feed store ...

I think I am getting lazy ...

Sorry for a Christmas rant, but I LOATHE decorating a christmas tree. Ive been working two days and have about 4 things where they hang. This is IT. Im telling my Mother NO MORE. Im exhausted from Thanksgiving, and now its lets see how high I can make Pam jump for Christmas. Next year when she says Are you inviting me for Christmas, the answer is NO. Well if Im still here. So many things I would like to be doing, so many people that need help and I could lend a hand at the holidays, but NOOOOOO. I keep having to hear...well I wont be here next year anyway. Yea. well its ten years later and your still here, one year your going to be right. Could you just let me enjoy something except living in your extreme OCD world at the holidays.
UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Drdawg did my day brighter yesterday with a nice plumeria delivery.

Lyn I would NEVER call you lazy! You are one hardworking lady

Pam my mother kept her tree in the bedroom completely decorated with a bag over it all year round until she had to bring it out for Christmas. We used to tease her about it. Since she lived in another state I never got to see her at any of the holidays (not even getting into that one), but she passed away in April of this year - I'd love to see that tree just one more time and wished I would have said no just once to the family and friends that thought I should have stayed in Iowa and went to Colorado to see her for Christmas. Too late now.

This will be the 2nd Christmas without Mom. However, she and Dad will have a tree because Mom had a little fake one that she set outside. I took it, and last year put some decorations on it and took it to the cemetery. Soooo...........I guess it's time I took it up there, eh?

And there in lies, why I keep doing it. Not doing it would be worse. Well for me at least. This only child thing tho, is for the birds, when parents get older, and especially one dies. Just one selfish year, I would like to do something other than the same thing Ive done every year of my life. But...when you know there is no one else, and your parents are alone if your not there, no fun in doing something and knowing they are alone.
The day after Christmas has always been my favorite day of the year. The longest time until I have to do it all over again. Believe me, I make it MY holiday and I enjoy...all the way thru new years I plan my garden then, my quilting projects, I just love that last week of Dec., coming off 5 weeks of hell. OOOO and can we say Christmas cookies. I have to hide them when Mother is here, because we dont 'need' them, as we are too fat already. Well fatten me up

Anna, we did that this weekend.

Pam - I like the way you celebrate the next day I am one of 4 children and most of the time I was the only one that went the extra mile Enjoy those cookies

And Anna - I'm wishing now that I had saved her tree and brought it home instead of selling it at her sale. I did bring her house # sign (shaped like a sewing machine-she did custom sewing) that I'm going to repaint and attach to the split rail fence behind her memory garden I planted though

Pam

"And there in lies, why I keep doing it. Not doing it would be worse. Well for me at least. "

I understand. So do a little bit. A small tree. A small feast. She will complain. However, she will complain even if you go all out. So save yourself.

When she complains just say, "I was just too tired to go all out this year. It was more important to me to do something and have you here than not to do anything. This is the best I can do this year."

My own birth-mother complained even when I did everything perfectly. Since she was going to be a grouch anyway, I decided I didn't need to put in all of the hard work. The results would be exactly the same.

She got used to it. Never stopped complaining, but under it all, she no longer expected me to go all out.

Legalily said:Lyn I would NEVER call you lazy! You are one hardworking lady

That's because I don't have anyone to delegate stuff to do, so I have to do the work myself ..

There are days when I suffer from a serious case of the "I-don-wannas" ...

RoseBlush1 said:Pam

"And there in lies, why I keep doing it. Not doing it would be worse. Well for me at least. "

I understand. So do a little bit. A small tree. A small feast. She will complain. However, she will complain even if you go all out. So save yourself.

When she complains just say, "I was just too tired to go all out this year. It was more important to me to do something and have you here than not to do anything." This is the best I can do this year.

My own birth-mother complained even when I did everything perfectly. Since she was going to be a grouch anyway, I decided I didn't need to put in all of the hard work. The results would be exactly the same.

She got used to it. Never stopped complaining, but under it all, she no longer expected me to go all out.

Excellent thoughts there Lyn. Very smart of you to figure that one out. Pam it's none of my business, but I'm going to put my 2 cents in anyway since you did post about it. If you don't use Lyn's method then you have only yourself to blame. If nothing else, you will feel much better knowing you "did it your way". You can smile behind your hand.
I sincerely hope I haven't offended you. I have the best of intentions.

with @flaflwrgrl and I hope you aren't offended also. Before I had breast cancer back in 1992, I had the mistaken notion that mothers had to "do it all" no matter how tired they were. If they didn't, one would be a "bad mother." I realized the first time I said I wasn't doing it all and going all out for the holidays that the world didn't end. I found I could say, "I'm tired and I'm going to rest a little while," and nobody took offense.

Being a caregiver and getting older in years, I don't even try to do it all. No holiday decorations anymore, no more volunteer work, I only attend meetings with the native plant society when it's convenient. What I'm going through this year is expanding rules of what I'll discuss with people who are sometimes toxic to me personally, but I still care a lot about them. I'm a person who has to "do it my way", not in an offensive way of course. That bothers some people. They think I HAVE to be a person who has X religion because it's theirs, who goes to Y meetings because they do it, who likes the same people they like, who does whatever would please them. Sometimes I wish it were otherwise, but I'm having to become very independent and take care of everything that I really have to do without help and let other things go. That is what happens, I believe, with many caregivers these days.

RoseBlush1 said:

That's because I don't have anyone to delegate stuff to do, so I have to do the work myself ..

There are days when I suffer from a serious case of the "I-don-wannas" ...

And then there is me that would have someone to delegate to but he doesn't listen and I still do it myself - easier that way Hmmmmm do you think he's got that figured out

Actually, I have had to do that the last 6 months or so. I even did tell Her that I was not putting up a tree. Im doing it anyway, cuz in the end I will like it, and so will she. I guess it just made it real, that Ive got another long month ahead. Im fully aware its better than the alternative, this will be the first year with my beloved MIL. That woman helped get me thru so much with my Mother. She would have been 94 on Thanksgiving.
Mother played the....the doctor told me I didnt have a month left, card, at Thanksgiving, to get all my kids down. I fell for it hook line and sinker, and I think that just started the whole season off bad. It really really upset me. More when she said, after I was dispondent, Dont worry, Ill be here long after everyone. WHAT... I consider those outburst, dimentia sp., but it still sucked. Wont fall for that again.
Im blessed....I know it....just needed a vent to take me thru.

If I had siblings, I would not have to make a fool of myself, venting in public. thanks

I think setting boundaries of what you are willing to do as a caregiver as opposed to just taking orders is a great idea. Since I lived out of state, most of my "caregiving" was over the phone, making calls, internet, etc. Working with estate planning and estates, I hear all sides

LindaTX8 said:I'm having to become very independent and take care of everything that I really have to do without help and let other things go. That is what happens, I believe, with many caregivers these days.

Linda ... I don't think it has anything to do with your burden of being a care giver. I think allowing yourself to be less of a "pleaser" is a sign of wisdom. I just wish I had learned that lesson when I was younger ....