gardenglory said:
Im blessed....I know it....just needed a vent to take me thru.

If I had siblings, I would not have to make a fool of myself, venting in public. thanks

That's what the grumpy thread is for, Pam -- you aren't making a fool of yourself.

Hard when the toxic people are the ones that we most want to love and be loved by, but it is what it is; we can't change them, we can only change the way we react to them. Hang in there!

Pam you can vent any time you want and I agree, you are NOT making a fool of yourself!

Pam, I don't write here very often but when it comes to mothers and mother-in-laws sometimes you just have to speak up and tell them your feelings. Then you hope it sinks in. I think a lot of us are in situations similar to this at one time or another.

Pam ... I agree about the need to vent now and then. I think it is a "must do" and not foolish at all.

I also believe that "change breeds change". So, if you can figure out one little change in the dynamics that might make you feel better ... go for it ...

The year before Bob & I moved a day's drive away from my daughter, she complained that she had 3 homes to go to on Christmas Day, 2005 - ours, her father's, and her in-laws.
I told her that there were people with no home to go to, and no partner to spend it with. Told her that we may have ended going to Toronto to spend Christmas with Bob's dad.
Well, as it happened, we moved out west, and Christmas 2006 she didn't have our home to go to. Also, her mother-in-law has passed away, and her father-in-law is not putting on a Christmas "anything". She has only her father-in-law, in a small community outside of the city, and her dad (she doesn't get along with her step-mom! I don't blame her ).
They (DD & DSIL) now put on their own Christmas in their city.
Told her - be careful what you wish for, you just may get it........

gardenglory said:Actually, I have had to do that the last 6 months or so. I even did tell Her that I was not putting up a tree. Im doing it anyway, cuz in the end I will like it, and so will she. I guess it just made it real, that Ive got another long month ahead. Im fully aware its better than the alternative, this will be the first year with my beloved MIL. That woman helped get me thru so much with my Mother. She would have been 94 on Thanksgiving.
Mother played the....the doctor told me I didnt have a month left, card, at Thanksgiving, to get all my kids down. I fell for it hook line and sinker, and I think that just started the whole season off bad. It really really upset me. More when she said, after I was dispondent, Dont worry, Ill be here long after everyone. WHAT... I consider those outburst, dimentia sp., but it still sucked. Wont fall for that again.
Im blessed....I know it....just needed a vent to take me thru.

If I had siblings, I would not have to make a fool of myself, venting in public. thanks

Pam you were just frustrated to the max and needed to get it out especially when you looked forward on the calendar & saw the next month stretching out before you like a walk down torture alley.
It's okay. You did not make a fool of yourself.

I was thinking earlier today about how your mom would react if you "killed her with kindness". I'm not talking about doing everything she wants/demands but when she says her snarky stuff if you replied in a manner like Lyn suggested (about not being "up to it" this year etc...) & immediately, before your mom could get another word out, said to her how grateful you are just to have her still living and able to be with you. Hit her with that every single time she starts up.

flaflwrgrl said:
Pam you were just frustrated to the max and needed to get it out especially when you looked forward on the calendar & saw the next month stretching out before you like a walk down torture alley.
It's okay. You did not make a fool of yourself.
I was thinking earlier today about how your mom would react if you "killed her with kindness". I'm not talking about doing everything she wants/demands but when she says her snarky stuff if you replied in a manner like Lyn suggested (about not being "up to it" this year etc...) & immediately, before your mom could get another word out, said to her how grateful you are just to have her still living and able to be with you. Hit her with that every single time she starts up.

Totally!! "kill her with kindness" She needs to be told how grateful you are for having her as your best Christmas present

I'm more sleepy than grumpy, I think. I've been moving stuff out of the bedroom that needs to have concrete put on the floor. It's very rough concrete now; it needs a smooth layer. It's the last floor to be finished so it will be a relief to get it done and be able to do some permanent organizing. A lot of stuff got moved in here when we had a hurricane watch and now it all has to be moved out. Sigh. katie

Just getting to this thread...
A lot to read!
My mom and MIL are gone
My MIL a jewel ...really...perfect.....
My mom........ well.....chronically depressed and complaining. Not demanding but I felt bad that she could not be happier ...imagine living 94 years with that .....

Oh well, I hope she gets recycled into what she thinks is a perfect life.

You all are full of good common sense!!!!
I don't have anything to be grumpy about today....and since I am in this hotel room in Sanibel...I am going to keep it that way by NOT stepping out of the shower in front of that damn full length mirror

Glad to see you Rosie! I was coming on exclusively to inquire about you. I was getting worried as you seemed to be MIA & I knew you had driven down from NC. You know these crazy drivers down here.....

Like me going down roads closed with cones because not to do so is to be lost forever ...what is a little wet tar between girl and her truck

Thank goodness for GPS. Looking back on my many decades of driving, only using maps to find my way, I don't know how in the world I found anything.

Ken, back in the "olden days" (yes, I am from them too) it was easier to read a map and get where you wanted to go because there was so much LESS traffic and congestion. LOL

drdawg said:Thank goodness for GPS. Looking back on my many decades of driving, only using maps to find my way, I don't know how in the world I found anything.

But the world was a friendlier place as one sometimes had to stop & ask someone for directions. I never ran across anyone who was nasty; they were always nice & helpful. Many times, we would have a little chat, one human being to another.

(Real) men don't stop and ask directions, Ann. Just ask my wife.

So true!

drdawg said:(Real) men don't stop and ask directions, Ann. Just ask my wife.

Well everybody *knows* I was talking exclusively about women Ken. Neener, neener.

I have trained my SU.................BEFORE we get into some mess we can't even begin to see out of, I tell him "stop here and I will go ask". He pulls in like I ask, and when I go in I find someone that doesn't speak English, isn't from around the area, or is just totally oblivious and a combination of the 2. LOL But he does stop................So you want to know how I managed that, eh??? I charge for that information................

@AnnaZ I, too, have to go and ask although I am navigationally challenged from having grown up in a town laid out in circles rather than blocks -- east, west, north, south -- it never computed for me however, I was never lost! When someone tells me to head north I'm stumped, but when they say "go down the road to the red brick house on the left" and turn to your right, I'm okay.