It's always something. Sorry about your problems, Katie. And Rosie...I know, I've been there..if only.

I`m sad because I`m depressed and don`t think I should post my situation. I can usually bump the needle on the `sad` songs. It`s a matter of distraction. But now the coping mechanisms I used to combat the negative emotions are being taken away and I don`t know how to go about finding new lifejackets to keep me from drowning.
I do think this thread has been helpful for a us. Just the input for Rosie and Katie show that this thread has/is helping them to feel better. My heart goes out to both of you.
P.S.
I`ve wanted my fridg. to die for years.

My refrigerator came back to life. One less problem for now.

A pattern has developed in the past week or so: I fall asleep early, sleep for a few hours then wake up. I'm awake for an hour or two, then go back to sleep. It is not pleasant for me. Goes along with the depression which seems too have settle in. Not the first time and I keep reminding myself that it will pass but I'm struggling.

Share if you want to, Tisha. This is a safe place. (I've been places that weren't). Lots of hugs and little or no advice, as that is not what most of us need here.

For myself, there just doesn't seem to be any way to short circuit this process. I am very grateful for Tony as he is here every day, steady as ever. He has seen me through a couple of these. It was long haul with the retirement stuff and to have this happen has really brought me to my knees.

Time for some coffee.

Tisha
Share if you are comfortable @Tisha
There is no judgment here only hugs and advice if you want it

I also really dislike waking up at night. Dark ,cold ,and lonely. Can`t really focus the brain cells to read for a while so I`m going to re-watch an old series that, because I`ve seen it, won`t require too much focus to keep up with the story-line. Have it all set-up so tonight when I wake up from nightmares and crying I can get a cup of coffee, hit the button, and `transfer` into the show.
Katie, good to here about Tony being a comfort to you. Personal interaction seems to be most effective for heartaches. I miss when people talked on the phone.
It`s so nice outside today 40 degrees, sunny, and no wind. I`m going to walk around the yard and get some sun on my face.
Back a little later.

Tisha..You are like me..I love the sun and if I can sit in the sunshine for a bit, I always feel better. It has been many many years since I have had a romantic heartache ..but I remember it was isolating and awful. I am dealing with a different kind of heartache now...closer to a mother's heartache and regret that I might not have been as discerning or as intuitive as I could have been. Guilt is heavier than grief..I learned that this past week and a half.

I am feeling better. I went to John's memorial service today...It was his childhood church. It was a beautiful service..and the sun coming through the stained glass wall lit up the interior of the old church and fell on the plain wooden cross high on the alter space. So many people ..so many stories about John and those he touched... finally his minister spoke and talked about not only John ..but what he said Winston Churchill called " the Black Dog" ....depression and how it can sometimes overwhelm..a surprise attack..and can rob one of life. His words helped me to understand that John did not necessarily have to have been dealing with pain or hopelessness on a daily basis ( my main worry is that he had been siilently suffering ) but that last day could have been a perfect storm that he could not see his way out of. Hearing all the personal stories shared, of happy times and a productive life filled with good friends and joy and adventures, his grabbing life with both hands helped me to remember the young man I knew who was always so full of life and joy. He was loved and he surely felt it. So you all have helped start the process and today added a bunch more. I am going to take it one day at a time..

Sounds like me and Katie getting there!!! Tisha next! 😊
Tisha when I want to fill up those times when I awaken too soon and don't want anything heavy or that I have to focus on..I turn on the TV where Judge Mathis awaits prerecorded... he is a hoot! And the situations the litigants get into are so comedic .land he is very good at pointing that out to them. After a "case " or two..I am ready to try to go back to sleep.

Made it to 5:30. Was up briefly around 11. This is just weird but it will pass. "The black Dog" is interesting. I have no words for this. Just hang on and don't try to deal with all at once. One foot in front of the other or just stand there and accept the pain. It will pass. It always does.

So happy some of your pain is lifting some Rosie

Unfortunately so many people go through clinical depression and don't get help thinking they strong enough to handle things...then "The black Dog" appears Such a stigma we have with mental health

I watched my younger son go through an engagement breakup that none of us saw coming, even her parents. She left him a love note a few days before They were bought a house and were on their way to settlement a few days from the breakup. Anyway, it took quite some time and lots of support but we are now blessed with a good daughter in-law and two wonderful grandsons.

Support is the key to helping

Things always work out for the best..he avoided years of misery perhaps.
And now both of them will be happier and if she isn't ..well..........HE IS!

MISSINGROSIE said:I agree. If I could undo.....my brain feels like a record with a scratch... keeps returning to the same place.. Tomorrow is the visitation and Friday the church ...I don't do visitations ...but I am looking forward to sitting in that quiet country church wher he grew up and being with all the people who knew him before me... I want to tell his mom how special he was and how he will never be forgotten ..what a wonderful boy she raised. I pray I can get through it ..he would tell me how exasperated his mom would get because he spent Christmas Eve with us.. it was not me..nor the family..it was THE PASTA AND GARLICKY MUSSELS...the struffoli and the antipasta.. he was thin but ate like he was eating for four!

@missingrosie, I am so very sorry, I live in a tight community. We lost a young man in a strange and heartbreaking way with many parallels to your experience. I loved this kid and his family. I was not close, as in best friends, but I have been with them many many times over the years his mom and I went to school together. In this town we stay tight. We all brought food, helped searching etc. I cannot express how hard this boys loss hit our community and how sad we were over it. I am very sorry for your sadness. Whenever there is concern that a death is suicide it's just very devastating for those in the persons life. I am so very sorry. I hope you and all that hurt talk together and help each other. It is sad and always will be, but it will hurt with less intensity with time. That will be a god send. Never feel like you should be over this. I have found you aren't. Eventually it won't be your first thought i the morning and your last thought at night. In time, with little steps it gets easier.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?...
Everybody SING!

Tisha

I am sad (is a silly sad, not a sad sad) because my husband spilled dog kibbles all over, some landed on a shelf I never noticed during the clean up and that little rescue dog we are watching sure knew it was there, I was in the next room and heard a crash of breaking glass, he had tried to reach it with his paw I guess, and there was my beautiful Egyptian drinking glass, busted to pieces, made me so sad because it was so detailed. So I look on eBay and can get one for $8 plus $18.95 shipping, or a entire set of 8 for $64. I am just going to go without. And truth be known I bought it at the Goodwill years ago for 25 cents, it was so unique.

Linda,
Sounds like you have a really big heart taking the little guy in till his home is ready.
To bad he doesn`t understand what your special glass meant to you.
Thinking of you, your big heart, and the little fur ball.
Tisha

Getting through this. The lack of energy is frustrating but I got some clean-up done. As long as I'm depressed anyway I figure I might as well clean house.

This incident has really shaken me. As Nitzche said, "What doesn't kill me makes me stronger" but what a way to build up strength. I really don't like it. Pain just sucks.

My sleeping is a little better. I just hate it when I wake up at 2am thinking about all the misery in my life, past and present. When I woke up again at 6am I got up. I can get up at six and start the day; that doesn't work at 2am.

This, too, shall pass.

hugs, katie

@katiebear
Katie,
I`m thinking of you.
Interesting, when we feel low, we clean house. When we feel up, I`ll do it tomorrow, the dirt will still be there! and off we go to other projects.
Maybe the sense of accomplishment of seeing what we gone done plus the exerted extra negative energy is what helps us feel better.
I`m trying to motivate towards putting out a few decorations. Evergreen sprigs smell soooo good to me. Guess I`ll make something with them. Looks AND smell, two positives for the price of one!
I don`t remember, I`m sorry, do you have any pets? Sometimes my dogs are comforting, and sometime times their ` innocence` is distracting. I talk to them all the time. Talking helps me.
Take care till next time. Remember you are in my thoughts.
Tisha

Katie's is gives her LOVE BITES!!

@lauriebasler thank you or your wise words of encouragement.
As I mentioned above, the memorial service was a great help. He was much loved and after his minister spoke..I came to some acceptance of depression and it's power and it's sudden swiftness..

I am making an ornament with his photo and it also is helping. Little b little as ou have indicated . Thanks

Thats awesome. You know, you mention your ornament' I have had some real issues requiring a lot of energy going on a for a while now, and It has crowded in on my Christmas spirit. I cannot believe how close it is. I have done nothing. . Ackkk, someone help me get in the mood fast please.

🎶jingle bells jingle bells🎶

My granddaughter emmaline rose and Benjamin our grandson and The old guy with the hat is Santa 😊








That's me 😊.

I filled the tree not with shiny balls, but all the hanging photo ornaments and things the kids and family made...
I have many beautiful ornaments collected over 45 years but chose a homemade Christmas tree this season because like you my heart was not in it

Hope this put you in the mood! A few "ornaments" and a funny to finish.

Emmaline Rose is as pretty as her grandmother and your grandson is very handsome Rosie Lovely pictures!